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Self Nurturing vs. Selfishness - what is the difference?

The bell tower in Ponta Delgata
From a young age, we are taught that if we don’t do what other people expect of us, we are being selfish. We spend our whole lives trying to make other people happy to the detriment of our own happiness. Vibrational healing teaches us a different way. It teaches us the way to self nurturing. What is the difference?

If we are to heal vibrationally, we will spend a lot of time healing the 1st chakra. It is here we learn to separate ourself from others:

I am responsible for MY choices; 
I am not responsible for everyone else’s choices.

It is up to ME if I am happy;
It is not up to everyone else to make me happy.

If I find I am not loving a choice I have made,
I am FREE to change MY choice. 

And yet, these concepts are foreign to most of us. We are constantly looking outwardly for that person to say this or do that so THEY can make ME happy. Instead of living in my first chakra, I live in my second chakra.. giving away my choices to those around me.

It is through the first chakra that we help our cells remember that self nurturing is not selfish. I had the opportunity recently to see how much I have healed my own first chakra and my ability to nurture myself through my choices. Here is my story:

Bill and I recently vacationed in the Azore islands. On our last day, we had 3 hours between checking out of the villa and making our way to the airport. We spent the morning in Ponte Delgata. Ponte Delgata is a beautiful little city, with many sites to see. From two blocks away, my sights were set on an old bell tower that rose above all the other buildings nearby.

“See that church? I want to go in it.” I have learned not to deny that which I am drawn to. We headed toward the bell tower and made our way up the stairs where a gentleman stood in front of the doorway. “Is this a church?” I asked. 

“No, this is the Mayor’s office.” He moved slightly, revealing that the insides were filled with offices and not church pews. Without pause, he replied, “YOU want to go there.” He immediately pointed down the stairs and to the left of the building. I have learned to honor divine guidance; I followed his finger.

Bill and I walked back down the stairs and took a left around the building. One block later, I came to a medieval doorway. Here housed the stairway to heaven.. or more appropriately in this case, the stairway to the top of the bell tower. 

The stairway to the top
The staircase beckoned me in. Built in 1724, it felt ancient and inviting all at the same time. I immediately looked to Bill, “Do you want to go up?” 

He gave me that weird look and adamantly replied, “No.”

It would be at this point that the unhealthy me would have denied what I wanted and followed his strong direction. Then I could have felt disappointed that I did not climb the bell tower and eventually blame him for my actions. That was the old me. The new me did not hedge for a second, “I AM!”

After twelve years, Bill knows me well. His reply was perfect. “I know you are. I’ll be sitting on those stairs waiting for you to come down.” 

The unhealthy me may have also been disappointed that he chose not to join me. I could then resent him for not doing what I wanted him to do. That was the old me. The new me did what made me happy and allowed him to do the same. Up the staircase I went. During the entire climb of 109 steps to the top, there was not another soul to be found. This spiritual experience was between me and the bell tower. I savored every moment.

I realized that if Bill had forced himself to join me against his will, it may not have been such a spiritual experience. It may have been a moment in which I would work to ensure he enjoyed the experience as much as me, which is often a waste of one’s time and energy. 

This takes us to that healing moment I spoke about: I KNOW that I am free to do what I want when I want, and so is Bill. He was happy people watching at the bottom of the tower, I was happy viewing the sights at the top. It was a win/win situation for both of us, and that is what a healthy first chakra feels like... loving my choices separately from yours.


  1. This is huge! For people to nurture themselves and feel free to follow their hearts...
    I love your articles Linda!

  2. Thank you Sarah: And I love working with you to help you get where you desire to go!

  3. Thank you for this wonderful reminder, Linda. Ginny

  4. Thank you for explaining the difference between the two (self-nurturing and selfishness)clear and the significance of making our choices to work for us.
    Can you give us some more examples as when it becomes selfish so that we might change it. Often times we are criticized/judged when we wish to exercise our choices and are accused of being not co-operative or lack sensitivity.
    Request further inputs, please.

    1. I suppose there is a fine line between the two. Yet.. if I am choosing something that truly makes ME happy, why would someone who loves me deny me that happiness? Are they the ones being selfish and blaming me for their own unhappiness? The art of detachment is not an easy path. It goes against all we are taught. Yet, to heal, I must love MY choices. And if I am not loving a choice, I can remember that I am free to change that choice at any moment. And the more I practice this new way of being, the happier I am becoming with me. That is my job after all. :)